I used to self-sabotage all the time. I self-sabotaged relationships, job opportunities and even my physical and mental health. The weird thing was that I had no clue I was doing it. I was stuck in a vicious circle of controlling and self-destructive behavior and I didn't know how to stop.
What is Self-Sabotage
It's simple. Any action you take to sabotage your intent. I will take a couple examples of my own self-sabotaging behaviors (warning: this isn't pretty). Physical health: I wanted to be more healthy but I kept drinking (alcohol) quite heavily. Mental health: I had recurring panic attacks and depression but I didn't take any actions to make a positive change. Relationships: Whenever there was a 'good' guy interested I found myself pushing him away. Jobs: I got a new position but I took the opportunity for granted and didn't put in my best afford. So, there you have it. A very real list to give you a good idea of what self-sabotage really means.
Why I Self-Sabotaged
There are different reasons why people self-sabotage. I will give you my insights. Relationships and jobs: feeling not good enough. I thought if I screw it up, it's impossible to lower my self-worth even more. Health: familiarity and a sense of control. I didn't know how to handle my depression and anxiety and relieving the pain with alcohol was all I knew. It also gave me a (fake) sense of control since I was frightened of what would happen if I stopped. It almost always comes back to not feeling good enough. So screwing it up feels better than confronting the actual problem.
How to Stop Self-Sabotage
Heavy topic right? I think so too. When I first realized my own self-sabotaging behaviors it was really confronting. I accepted and forgave myself for this behavior, which I think is crucial. Don't be mad at yourself. Now you know better, you can start doing better. Start by realizing your self-sabotaging behavior. Forgive yourself. Ask yourself: How can I do better? The important thing is to be kind to yourself. As I said, most of this behavior has to do with not feeling worthy of something or someone. Practice self-love routines, I wrote two articles about it: Why I Journal & 3 Steps to Positive Self Talk.
Don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that you are already thinking about making this change is one step in the right direction. Let me know in the comments, do you self-sabotage? What would you like to change?
Love + Peace + Dolphins,